November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Saturday, April 29, 2006
4/29/06
Hey for all those pains in the ass’s and drama friends starting May new rule. Do not hand the bride or groom any more drama. If it is wedding drama that’s what our Matron of honor and best men are for call them leave us out of it. Our plates are full. No more that includes no jokes on the bride and no guys acting like sorry ladies, bitches. Leave us out of it. Our 2 closest friends were chosen for these roles because of their power to stick by us and take care of business. No questions. No exceptions.
7:09 AM
Friday, April 28, 2006
4/28/06
This blog came up on a google search for brain tumors from a woman helping a friend in Orlando. I offered some helpful advice. He is the same age as me but has had an inoperable brain tumor for 2 years. It is scary but I told her to tell him not to give up and a good mantra is “fuck that tumor”. I just say that this thing will not get me and live my life everyday and will continue to do so. I told them don’t use support groups a lot of times you read about people that didn’t make it and it can be depressing. Also books on chemo will tell you every possible side effect but drugs affect everyone differently. It has also taken me 6 years to become at peace with this monster. So I am trying to help a little where I can for this friend of a fighter. This thing will not take William or me.
12:27 PM
Thursday, April 27, 2006
4/27/06
This one I made up for Fatboy and his favorite clent.
Bud Light presents
Real men of genius
Today we salute you
Mr. my orders so important client
Mr. my orders so important clent
There are people in need of kidneys
But your worry is your order
You need those bike seats yesterday
But don’t want to pay for overnight shipping
You don’t forget who you are to us
Your order is truly the only thing that keeps us in business
Any other order is unimportant to our bottom line
You’re the man
You’re so busy, please
You don’t care about us
You’re you
So crack open a cold Bud Light
Mr. my orders so important client
In fact let me cancel all my other clients and just serve you
Bud Light Beer Anheuser Beer St. Louis Missourri.
Kidneys, kidneys for sale, but nobody cares because
they didn't get their bike parts......
6:36 PM
4/27/06
So I was thinking about a lot of things. I kind of feel stalled in life. Don’t get me wrong I don’t miss getting up everyday for a piece of the big pie at a job. With disability I can get the extra sleep my body tells me to. I have to look to past achievements to feel a sense of worth in life sometimes. I mean other people progress in their careers get raises can afford more luxuries in life not Bob. My accomplishments are behind me. I graduated college. I stayed off drugs. I s survived my mother’s abandonment. I sometimes tolerate my sister (to this day).
I had probably a dozen jobs and most of them I was liked by my employers. But the cherry on top of all the stuff that fades away in the end is I am here to talk about it. I am healthy most people get caught in this web of these things being the most important things ever. I am aware that I am alive, something most people just assume is a given because they are so consumed with getting some work project done or sale made like it’s the end of the earth. I’ve been to the edge and your worries are stupid. I mean maybe I am a little jealous and searching for my place in all this because very few could tough it through like I did but I also feel like my thoughts sometimes will give some insight to people. I mean look what I have accomplished since my sickness. I bought a house. I have had 2 different vehicles. I have finally met my soul mate and am marrying her SOON. We are starting our family not in a biblical sense yet, but moving into a new house. The icing on the cake is I am alive to do it I kicked ass with the support of my family. The original intent of this page was to keep people informed as to my status of my condition, so I wouldn’t have to repeat the stories. Sometimes repeating the stories over and over gives me a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I can laugh about the old stories. But since then I have put a lot more personal notes up when I was feeling happy sad notes to friends’ family music I am into. But it has always been an outlet for where I am at at different times. Thanks for your support and reading this.
7:04 AM
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
4/25/06
Only 8 mothes until Christmas want my list?
38 days until wedded bliss return your rsvp cards or no seat for you.
After a trying weekend with her family this is for Heather:
PRINCE
"Beautiful, Loved And Blessed"
From 3121
Wake up
Ur beautiful, loved and blessed
Feel me? (I think I do)
When U found me I was just a piece of clay
I was 4mless, U gave me a new name
With the breath of life I now live abundantly
All I needed was the potter's hand
And the blood on Calvary (that's right)
But 2 much power (tell it)
Can can sometimes turn 2 shame
2 much desire
Sometimes makes U feel the same (come on)
But 4giveness is how U win the game
I begged 4 truth, now I know the truth
And that is when U came and said I was...Beautiful, loved and blessed
I'm better than the day b4Cause
U made me confess that I am...Beautiful, loved and blessed
When U're free U're really free indeed
All U gotta do is just plant the seed
A constant battle 2 stay ahead of the game
Is anybody famous when everybody wants fame?
Always trying 2 break U down
Thinkin' that'll raise 'em up
I just wanna b happy
Come take this bitter cup from me
If I were ever 2 write my life story
I could truly say through all the pain and glory
I was just a piece of clay in need of the potter's hand
Cause when U whispered in my ear
The words I so now understand,
oh...Beautiful, loved and blessed
I'm better than the day b4
Cause U made me confess that I am...Beautiful, loved and blessed
When U're free U're really free indeed
All U gotta do is just plant the seed
Everything U made U said, "That's good"B4 the fall of man U said, "That's good"
Everytime I walk in faith, that's good
U let me see another day, that's good
B4 the earth was made U said,
"Tamar, I will lead the way and U'll go far
"Knowledge and understanding
Understanding is good
And when I wake up in the morning
All I hear in my hood is people saying that they're...
Beautiful, loved and blessed
When U rescue me from the darkness
And our heart just must confess
Beautiful, loved and blessed
When U're free U're free indeed
All U gotta do is just plant the seed
Hey, hey, hey
Wake up it's a new day
Hey, hey, hey
Wave Ur hands in the air and say
Hey, hey, hey
Wake up it's a new day
Hey, hey, heyWave Ur hands in the air and say
Beautiful, loved and blessed
U rescued me from the darkness in the wilderness
But I am beautiful, loved and blessed
No matter what the challenge
I always pass the test
That's what I am, beautiful
That's what I am, beautiful
I don't mean 2 put nobody down
Still I must confess that I am...
Beautiful, that's what I am
That's what I am
When U wanna give up, don't cause U know
U always got a friend
That's what I am, that's what i amThats' what I am
Beautiful, beautiful
That's what I am, that's what i am
Thats' what I amBeautiful, beautiful
Oh yeah, oh yeah
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
2:43 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2006
enough rain....
7:27 AM
Friday, April 21, 2006
4/21/06
last quarter moon says so on the calendar....
So this realator calls last night at 7:20 pm.... says I am 5 minutes away can we come and see the house? I said yes as to not pass up an oppurtunity. It says to call ahead because of 2 big dogs.... it gets better she gets here with the uninterested couple and she is wearing a baggy flannel shirt with a wife beater under it. Um Pearl jam called and needs you on tour.... Or better yet how many miles you drive your 18 wheller today Large Marge?
1:51 PM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
blood numbers are in ..... up slightly margin of error? They did not go down again.... the fight isn't over yet... but boy did I buy a lot of meat to help my blood again this week coming!!!!
Kick ass
Doughnuts rule too....
5:34 PM
blood numbers day.... hold your beath and turn purple... I will update later
7:15 AM
Monday, April 17, 2006
4/17/06
Buy our house dammit…..
Wedding planning… tying up little knots before tying the big knot.
Bob Dylan
Wedding Song
I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love,I love you more than money and more than the stars above,Love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea,Love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me.Ever since you walked right in, the circle's been complete,I've said goodbye to haunted rooms and faces in the street,To the courtyard of the jester which is hidden from the sun,I love you more than ever and I haven't yet begun.You breathed on me and made my life a richer one to live,When I was deep in poverty you taught me how to give,Dried the tears up from my dreams and pulled me from the hole,Quenched my thirst and satisfied the burning in my soul.You gave me babies one, two, three, what is more, you saved my life,Eye for eye and tooth for tooth, your love cuts like a knife,My thoughts of you don't ever rest, they'd kill me if I lie,I'd sacrifice the world for you and watch my senses die.The tune that is yours and mine to play upon this earth,We'll play it out the best we know, whatever it is worth,What's lost is lost, we can't regain what went down in the flood,But happiness to me is you and I love you more than blood.It's never been my duty to remake the world at large,Nor is it my intention to sound a battle charge,'Cause I love you more than all of that with a love that doesn't bend,And if there is eternity I'd love you there again.Oh, can't you see that you were born to stand by my sideAnd I was born to be with you, you were born to be my bride,You're the other half of what I am, you're the missing pieceAnd I love you more than ever with that love that doesn't cease.You turn the tide on me each day and teach my eyes to see,Just bein' next to you is a natural thing for meAnd I could never let you go, no matter what goes on,'Cause I love you more than ever now that the past is gone.
Pulse
Ani Difranco
(Little Plastic Castle)
you crawled into my bedlike some sort of giant insectand I found myself spellboundthat night at the sight of you therebeautiful and grotesque and all the rest of that bug stuffbluffing your way into my mouthbehind my teeth, reaching for my scarsthat night we got kicked out of two barsand laughed our way homethat night you leaned overand threw up into your hairand I held you there thinkingI would offer you my pulseif I thought it would be usefulI would give you my breathexceptthe problem with death is that you havesome hundred years and then they canbuild building on your only bones100 years and then your grave is not your ownwe lie in out beds, and our gravesunable to save ourselves fromthe quaint tragedies we inventand then undo from the stupid circumstanceswe slomen throughand I realized that night that the hall lightwhich seemed so bright when you turned it on is nothingcompared to the dawnwhich is nothing, compared to the lightwhich seeps from me while you're sleeping beautifuland grotesque resting caconed in my roomthat night we got kicked out of two barsand laughed our way homeand I held you there thinkingI would offer you my pulseI would give you my breathI would offer you my pulse
7:11 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
4/16/06
Faces in life I have worn several when I was in sales I wore the I will try to manipulate you, but oh yeah I’m your best friend face just sign up and make me money. Then I can type run on sentences about it later. When you first start dating someone – you are on your best behaviour. In fact Chris Ropck said it best when you first start going out with someone it is not even you, it is your representative. When you live with someone you see all different faces from that person. Heck some can be ugly, but we all have them. The saddest ones you never see. You know that one person that always makes you laugh, sometimes their real face is really sad and lonely. The jokes and shtick face is just a defense mechanism. It helps them hide their pain I think a lot of the best comedians will even discuss other faces in a funny way just to blow off some steam.
I have done the same thing sometimes to hide pain fear etc., throw a few jokes out there, and see what sticks. I do it a lot less now. Heather loves me for me and I for her I don’t have to be someone else, a character. That’s not to say my mean grumpy face never comes out of the closet. Just as long as for our relationship, I don’t come out of the closet, it just wouldn’t sit right for us that is.
Oh yeah and my blood numbers started sliding, not good news. My house is up for sale, wanna buy it? It’s not Graceland but hell this is New Jersey Graceland is not here. But it is Bob-land…..
7:02 AM
Friday, April 07, 2006
4/7/06
56 days tick tock…..
Prince said he won’t sing anymore songs with cuss words – that’s like 50 of his songs they said. He said he doesn’t see the point he pushed the envelope as far as you can go already. It must be great not to answer to anyone as an artist.
Meanwhile ½ his new CD is still about the old in out in out. CD debuted at #1.
Nothing cooler than Buckcherry’s new song “Crazy Bitch” come on it’s an instant strip club classic up there with Girls Girls Girls. Not an easy feat but they nailed it.
One of my biggest fan I inspired:
yeah, but does anyone really wanna see present day Sharon Stone naked?I'm thinkin' that's some scary stuff right there. Now personally, I dig older chicks. Heather Locklear is still smokin' and she's very forty something AND single these days! Debbie Harry? Looked pretty good on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show, sure she's had some work done, but she's gotta be in her 50's. The Wilson sisters from Heart? Again, they gotta be close to 50 and I'd love to be the cream in that Oreo cookie. But Sharon Stone? She doesn't look good WITH clothes on!Oh, Bob,...... uh yeah......uh feel better....blah, blah, blah,......call me if you need anything.......yada, yada, yada.....give Heather a smooch for me.........dumdy dum dum......Jeez, what a douchebag I am!
Love this guy he puts the fun in funerals… which just made me laugh when I remembered he owns a hearse!!!!!
No venting, yelling this time… My blood numbers are still stable.
2:58 PM
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