November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Saturday, August 09, 2003
When I get an idea in my cracked up head, I obsess on it for days and days, sometimes weeks. It can be a bit hectic…No wonder I am so nutty. So what is my new obsession, idea? Now that the “light” is coming down the tunnel, I just want out. I want to walk away from this whole experience and all the bad crap from the past 3 ½ years. Start over. Now I know the doctors are no way going to give me a clean bill of health. Why would they do that? I proved them wrong before. I just want to kick the ass out of my life and gain control of all of it again. This whole year I have not had total control of my life. I have been unable to work, then denied my work, unable to drive, go out, eat out, eat fruits and vege’s, you name it I have been hospitalized twice. To the emergency room 2 or 3 times. I haven’t eaten Chinese food all year. Haven’t had a full beer or any wine since like November. I am on the wagon without ever signing up and no one has given me any chips. I lost some more marbles in surgery I am sure. I don’t think the doctor wants me driving until February. I want the control back dammit. I want to drive myself where ever and when ever I need to go. I hate asking people to help me in any way. Just the way I have always been. So I put a ton of things off unless it is convenient for someone else to help me, I do not like asking people to help me. Like even when I was in the hospital I always think that those nurse call buttons are for you when you like fall and can’t get up, I hate using them. Yeah yeah that’s what the nurses get paid for but I just hate the whole thing.
So back to the starting over. I just want to run away from the whole thing. I guess I am trying to get away from myself the most. To get away from where I am who I am who I am not, where I am not. Times like this you just want to start over, walk out the door and take nothing but your junk with you. Well ok some of the junk you leave behind. Just pick up move somewhere else and hope to be safe. Somewhere where you find a cheers like bar right away, so you have several other lost souls to keep you company. OK you can find that anywhere probably. So yes at age 30 I want to run away from home, pick up my stuff, sell off the house and start over somewhere else. Where? I don’t know maybe that can be a contest where should Bob go? We can pick ideas from a hat.
5:09 PM
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