November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Saturday, November 22, 2003
So what’s been new? Well this month so far 2 “events”. I had a smaller facial seizure about 2 weeks ago. You know that first drop on a roller coaster? The one you know is coming? Like you climb up and up, and then you look down and DROP. That’s the type of take off these things have. Except you don’t start a seizure on purpose, you put yourself on that rollercoaster. So after that climb you drop and then everything goes rushing by and you can’t stop and get off until the end, you just have to ride it out. Even if you are scared shitless, you can’t stop until the ride lets you. I personally like to flip the bird when the camera takes that picture of you that you see when you get off. Hey it makes me laugh and that is all that counts.
Well the second “event” I had just this past Wednesday. And I usually know that I am due for one depending on my stress level (more stress= better chances, less sleep=better chances, and chemo that’s a given). I also usually have all these tiny little ticks like warning signals that I am due for a beating. So for the past 3 weeks I have randomly had a few ticks, usually facial, what’s it feel like? Like a jerk in your face that you didn’t do. So back to Wednesday we are driving back from the vet and BAM, I am looking down the first drop of the rollercoaster, and have been dropped. My face started ticking, tick tick tick, I am thinking to myself, “OK no big deal just a facial one. I am staring at the clock in the dashboard it is 3:11 pm. I thought great I can time this one. I remember just my left eye going bang bang bang by itself from right to left. It was pinning left bang bang bang (no pain but it felt like my eye was a bouncing ball going left left left). I remember thinking damn my eye is pinning real hard. I kept thinking no big deal this is just a facial it will be over quick. My tongue too was doing loopy loos in my mouth too. Like after the first drop the rollercoaster gets easier. Not the case on this trip. I thought it will end quick no big deal. I remember the dog was crying a little, I think he probably had to pee, it had nothing to do with me. I kept thinking ok stop now, no more, stop now. You know the OH SHIT feeling when after the big drop you go up a little down some more and bank left. Then I start to feel my left arm shake, but it is more like a vibrating feeling, and I am just waiting for it to go numb so I stop feeling it shake. You know that vibrating feeling from a wooden rollercoaster, bingo! That’s why I like steel coasters so much better. I like a smooth ride for my torture. This is like getting an even bigger drop in the middle of the ride, where you don’t expect it. Or when you realize now you have to ride the whole thing over again but backwards. Because now I know this thing isn’t over. The seizure is going to be a biggie. I am still awake for the whole thing, if I pass out, that is a worse signal, and I have to go to the hospital. So I want to stay awake, but I don’t want to live through it. I remember I was motioning with my right arm, but then even that I couldn’t do anymore. You know that feeling you get when the rollercoaster suddenly stops and you just slowly pull back up to the gate. Like, WOW OH SHIT. That’s the type of feeling at the end. It slows down to an almost stop and then I know it is over. I can’t talk at the end I am wacked out. I feel about ½ of my body. I can’t feel my left side at all arm or leg. I feel virtually paralyzed at this point, I slowly start to regain my speech. I am a little disoriented. But I just have to wait for feeling to come back. So you know how that long rollercoaster is only like 60 seconds of a ride. Same deal here. You wait through all these warning ticks (like waiting on that line) you jump on the ride (start the seizure) and it’s over before you can stop being scared. Except I think a seizure is scarier, I actually like going upside down on rollercoasters, I hate these seizures.
Screw Six Flags. I have seizures (and it doesn’t cost me parking, park admission, the piece of my car the monkee’s stole in the drive through safari, overpriced food and drinks and a souvenir.)
So we get home about 5 minutes later, and now I have to try to get out of the car. My left side is really dragging and I still don’t have much function or feeling in my left arm. I tried walking up the stairs normal and my left leg kept dragging so I tripped up like 3 stairs so then I realized that I had to step up with my right leg first. I couldn’t judge the steps with my left leg it was dragging. I got inside and sat down a little while. I tried using the computer, but my left hand just laid there lifeless. And my right had was a bit tired too. My eyes were tired. I had to stop it was too frustrating trying to do something and my eyes being tired and my left hand wasn’t even moving.
How was your Wednesday?
Ok you lasted this far how about a shameless EBAY plug for me?
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/draculabear/
Later.
8:42 PM
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