November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
|
|
|
|
Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
|
|
| |
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
12/31/02
Ever been here?
Ani Difranco You Had Time From: Out Of Range
how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time
you are a china shop
and i am a bull
you are really good food
and i am full
i guess everything is timing
i guess everything's been said
so i am coming home with an empty head
you'll say did they love you or what
i'll say they love what i do
the only one who really loves me is you
and you'll say girl did you kick some butt
and i'll say i don't really remember
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too
you'll say it's really good to see you
you'll say i missed you horribly
you'll say let me carry that
give that to me
and you will take the heavy stuff
and you will drive the car
and i'll look out the window and make jokes
about the way things are
how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time
I mean eat this verse up:
you are a china shop
and i am a bull
you are really good food
and i am full
i guess everything is timing
i guess everything's been said
so i am coming home with an empty head
Kicks ass! I mean if you aint been through that where you got nothing left to say. Well don’t worry I have been there for you.
Well for a year end wrap up what do we put in this thing?
I had surgery and got sick a bunch of times.
I guess it comes down to that.
The rest of the package has met Mr. Meat Grinder also it seems. After the full year of being sick, laid off, the every two week seizures. The new med’s are still holding off the “events”.
Man when you pile all the shit up it aint worth it. At the end of the day, I want to go out on my own terms. Is that to much to ask? OK maybe it is.
Lou Reed – What’s Good – Magic and Loss
What’s good? (what’s good? )
What’s good? (life’s good)
Life’s good (life’s good)
What’s good? (life’s good) but not fair at all
To me if they could tell me in a crystal ball I got x months to ride the ride. I would dump my stuff immediately where I wanted it. How cool would it be to be able to hand out your estate to the people you want to have the stuff. The books, the cd’s, computer, tools etc.. Then again there isn’t much more than that.
But I want to go out on top and not lying all laid up with tubes and crap. OK survey says everyone else agrees, not much of a stretch here. But here’s my plan of attack, a happy ending for me.
Dump the house to get some “going away money”. Buy the bike I always wanted in CASH. Throw a little around where I want to. Then take the bike and whatever fits on it with me and hit the road. Where doesn’t matter as much as just having that final freedom of just going out there like I experienced before. Jut hit the road and go. The US is huge, and has a lot of blacktop to wander on. Just hit the road and go town to town. The freedom of just clearing my head literally!!! That’s it, the whole script, empty out the house, sell it for traveling money and hit the road. That’s it. If I am to write the end that’s what I would want to just go. It would be like I was going on a trip versus just waiting for the recurrence problems to happen. That is how I want to punch out.
Man that would be the friggin best to have my freedom back again and to just go. I dream about that sometimes and it is the best. I am out on the road just me and a bike riding and riding.
Johnny Cash
The Man Comes Around from the album of the same name
And I heard as it were the noise of thunder
One of the four beasts saying come and see and I saw
And behold a white horse
There's a man going around taking names and he decides
Who to free and who to blame every body won't be treated
Quite the same there will be a golden ladder reaching down
When the man comes around
The hairs on your arm will stand up at the terror in each
Sip and each sup will you partake of that last offered cup
Or disappear into the potter's ground
When the man comes around
CHORUS
Hear the trumpets hear the pipers one hundred million angels singing
Multitudes are marching to a big kettledrum
Voices calling and voices crying
Some are born and some are dying
Its alpha and omegas kingdom come
And the whirlwind is in the thorn trees
The virgins are all trimming their wicks
The whirlwind is in the thorn trees
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks
Till Armageddon no shalom no shalom
Then the father hen will call his chicken's home
The wise man will bow down before the thorn and at his feet
They will cast the golden crowns
When the man comes around
Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still
Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still
Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still
Listen to the words long written down
When the man comes around
CHORUS
Hear the trumpets hear the pipers one hundred million angels singing
Multitudes are marching to a big kettledrum
Voices calling and voices crying
Some are born and some are dying
Its alpha and omegas kingdom come
And the whirlwind is in the thorn trees
The virgins are all trimming their wicks
The whirlwind is in the thorn trees
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks
In measured hundred weight and penny pound
When the man comes around
And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And it's name it said on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.
It would be a one way ticket, like the old permanent vacation. No I don’t want to go out now. I don’t even have the bike.
7:51 PM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
