November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Ever wake up on the wrong side of bed? I have it happen a lot in a semi-sleep stage I am thinking of things that are just bothering me. Not-necessarily bad dreams, but let’s say emotional scenarios. I usually just cure them by getting up so I don’t think about it anymore. But it can set up a mood for a day though. Yes, today is one of those days. Then you try to sort out the meaning. Like sometimes the people involved in the dream aren’t even the right people in your life but, actors in place of the right people. So you have to take the scenarios and try to crunch them with current life events. I mean damn even Billy Hector was in this dream. No I haven’t figured out the dream from this morning. I think it was a combination of different people and different needs and wants.
I mean she kept asking me on the phone what do you want from me? Like I had a choice over who was in my life and what they were like? Go figure. I think the movie Weird Science was on to something. If you can’t remember it, screw you you young-un. The whole scenario was twisted like I left her at a Billy Hector show. I mean rule number one, I would never leave a Billy Hector show, I would leave a woman before Billy. Just the facts Jack, then I was out in my friends vette and she called me on the phone asking me what I wanted from her. And she only went to Billy Hector to appease me. That pissed me off the most. How do you insult Billy? And think I want to talk to you any longer? Just strange I don’t have any resolution from the dream. But I guess that is just a bachelor side effect. I mean I am always making a joke that I need a girl with a car (or in the city she needs a metro card). So maybe that is the whole scenario. Who knows.
People ask when do you think you are going to drive again? I mean if you don’t want to drive me around any more let me know I will put you on the do-not-ask-for-a-ride-list. Truthfully I just have no desire to think about a time when I will have that freedom again. I mean do I miss driving and the freedom with it. Hell yeah, the problem always hovering over my head is knowing that something could happen to me at any time either with a couple second warning or without. And it could just be me or others that I can hurt. I mean it sucks. Even if I had 6 months clear which is what the doctor wants, I still don’t believe in my safety in driving. But since I am lucky to go a week to a month free from activity, I just don’t even think about it anymore.
I really miss having a motorcycle. I see guys out riding and just having the ultimate freedom of just getting up and going out to nowhere for who knows how long. It used to be great just making random turns trying to get lost. That was another time for me another place. Even driving to get what you need done. But forget all that. This is the hand of cards I have for the time being.
11:18 AM
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