November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
1/20/05 Most people don't want to deal with the negative side of all this. Hey, it's no picnic on this side either. But it is there. I went 3 years the first time then 2 years to recurrence. They say you are supposed to last 5 years cancer free to get to a safer zone. I am not there, and haven't made an approach yet. I guess this time I figure work on the worst of it, and if you can still stick around longer none of the back up plans will be needed. You need a last will and testament, a living will, an advance directive. And that is just what to do if you do bite it. Then there is the consideration of putting all your affairs in order for taxes, debts, bank stuff. All that. So I figure now on top of figuring out treatment I am trying to order all this stuff together also. Then I have a house full of stuff. Luckily it's not a big house. And the funny part is we have a house's full of stuff, but all anyone around us wants, and us for that matter is ourselves. It's like I said the other night to Lenny. We were in his living room where he has this great Sony TV and Sectional. But in the middle of the sectional was his 6 month old daughter Grace. Smiling at us. I said she is what matters everything else around us is garbage. Mad, mad accesories that at times seemed so important.
I go to bed every night trying to sort out what I would like to go where. Something for people to remember me by. I get obsessive about things this is just one on a long list. We all have a mad will to live. we don't want to go. But if I had to choose how to go. I want to give everything I want to give away to who I want to have it, I don't want to go quick. I guess that is an advantage with this condition / treatment, they do draw it out and give you time to reflect.
One thing outside of all the crap I have to pass along. Just what John needs more books and CD's....
Nothing can take away the stupid things we have all done together. Over the years there will always be things we remember of times we have all had. No one can take that stuff away. A lot of the other crap I am trying to organize was bought on a mastercard. But the stupid stuff is priceless (sorry I needed a wrap up here).
Lou Reed Magic and Loss CD
Sword Of Damocles - Externally
I see The Sword of Damocles is right above your head
They're trying a new treatment to get you out of bed
But radiation kills both bad and good
it can not differentiate
So to cure you they must kill you
The Sword of Damocles hangs above your head
Now I have seen lots of peoples die
from car crashes or drugs
Last night on 33rd st. I saw a kid get hit by a bus
Bus this drawn out torture over which part of you lives
is very hard to take
To cure you they must kill you
The Sword of Damocles above your head
That mix of morphine and dexedrine
we use it on the street
It kills the pain and keeps you up
your very soul to keep
But this guessing game has its own rules
the good don't always win
and might makes right
The Sword of Damocles
is hanging above your head
It seems everything's done that must be done
from over here though things don't seem fair
But there are things that we can't know
maybe there's something over there
Some other world that we don't know about
I know you hate that mystic shit
It's just another way of seeing
The Sword of Damocles above your head
2:10 PM
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