November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Sunday, August 13, 2006
This is a long catty one
There is what my groomsman said and my answers thses are parts are my responses to my groomsman email:
Dude, I have just been really busy. Sorry I have beenunreachable...
Unreachable... interesting what about didn't call you back (see end) I am not touching base with someone unreachable.... how do I touch base then?
Listen, I want to tell you something that has been onmy mind in the interest of communication amongstfriends. Our friendship is not what it was. I don't know where we went wrong or got off track but its veered of the road.
I am starting a new life with my wifeand 2 families it is an adjustment you have alreadygone through in the years after Phantasm that during that time we didn't hang out much or even speak.
Taking aside the devastating illness that you have hadto deal with all these years, and understanding that it has hijacked everything, we just are not there for each other like we were.
There is NO taking aside CANCER it isstill in me I am currently on chemo-therapy. I have been told by a Vietnam Special Operations vet that my experience with cancer is just like Vietnam or Iraq (his son is coming home badly burned and with brokenbones on one side of his body) I looked death in theeye and crawled away. Ask Lance Armstrong if he couldput it aside. Dude I can't grow hair for the rest ofmy life which I don't care about as long as I canlive. Not many people came to see me in the hospitallast time, but the people that did are my tightest group, even Bob Byzell came last time. My wife thinks about it more than I do and has to stay tough, and hadher grandfather pass on the same week, and only missed one day. Imagine being scared to lose your spouse at anytime and having no control. Every week even through the honeymoon, marriage and move I made time to write the same soldier in Iraq right now. I gave him a couple minutes of distraction while he defends our right to email. Been doing it going on 10 months now.
I feel good knowing that I stood by my friend when he needed me.
You did take me in for a follow up which was great of you because for about 3 of the past 6 years I could not drive according to my doctors and couldn't get into the city to see them on my own. I remember hiding in your car so a tech wouldn't see me I was slumped over for like an hour.
But, when was the last time that you called me up and said "lets go have dinner together, or "we're in theneighborhood and we'd like to see you".
Same paragraph you are comparing dinner tocancer? Chemo rerstricts your diet a lot of times Iam happy I can function as much as I can. I told you on the phone when you complained about your income, I live on 30 K a year I can't go out much, even though I know you treated a lot of times I thank you for that.
Now I know you're thinking that we have both been busy and I agree and understand, but we really don't do what friends do. If you and I do something its becauseI called you. Why????
You are one of the only cats I could call during the day because you are in sales and I did call, you called me on the way to appointments or gigs. I have friends that understand I was planning a wedding,moving, all that stuff I did a lot of phone work for.
I know you're married now, but I have been for 8 yrs,plus Grace, and I can always make time for my friends.
All the gigs you do I told you I consider you to busy on the weekends to even call. There are part of the 8 + years I didn't hear from you often either.
I was very hurt that you were not at Grace's party. IKNOW THAT YOU JUST MOVED IN AND HAD THINGS TO DO AND IUNDERSTAND THAT,
Love the caps for effect but come on.
but couldn't that have waited, to do something nicefor someone that you called "your niece" on the phone?? What makes you close like that to her, because you say you are, or because of your actions??
Are you giving me the Bob Byzell speach? save it. Ask your parents. Ask Bonnie. When you moved I was the first person there and last to leave for 2 days and gladly. Your father called me one of your best friends for being so helpful. And I don't regret it unless you do. My actions? I do what I can and can't afford much.
I was extremely busy with a day full of activities the day I screwed up taking you to lunch on the day of Heathers shower, but I knew it was IMPORTANT to you and I could not let you down. I was busy too my friend, and I canceled several things that day and left my wife and daughter behind for you.
Again don't lay this at my door step you screwed up the day. And I am one of your few true friends who has told you your family comes first. I was happy togo to lunch with you very happy, but would have never been mad if you spent time with Bonnie and Grace. Thats the truth I was happy your last band let you go. But you were still to concerned with gigging so you started playing again and left your family for your own reasons wanting to gig take your wedding ring off and having girls say they miss you on my space. Mywife, family and friends are all I need.
I knew what I had to do and I was fine with that because you are my friend...
And as your friend I would not have been hurt if you said you made an honest mistake in scheduling and it was and spent the day with Bonnie and Grace.
Lastly, I want to ask you if you feel that I added something to the wedding, in some way? I guess my gift to you for being in my wedding was nothing?
I had 2 people in my wedding party you were one did I make a dent as one of 6 in your wedding? Remember I was at your tux fitting? You were the last to get yours for mine, john john out of state had his before you you drive around to meetings all day, but I digress into trivial meaningless crap was beeing in my wedding important to you
you said so at the time....Did I spend hundreds of dollars and leave my family for the weekend for the bachelor party?
You leave your family almost every weekend soyou can work on playing the drums at age 35, and you had a gig that weekend you got covered.
Did I take you for that lunch at Windlass as a guy's brunch?
Already covered, you did and thank you. I do cherish time alive with my friends because I have tasted death.
Did I pick you guys up and drop you guys off and do anything I could to make the day better on your day?
No you put me ahead of your family. Thank youfor being my friend and sorry I haven't said enough before. Apologize to Bonnie and Grace for me getting in the way.
Well I have yet to receive a thank you card for the wedding, for the gift,
Number one ask Bonnie how it works we JUST received our pictures to send out in thank you's today. I have them pre-written, stamped etc. alreadyto go out.
the bachelor party,
Which John planned and executed perfectly, I did buy the steak dinner as a thank you. Sorry for the homo humor but the rest of us loved it.
the luncheon, or anything. Do you think that's right??
Thank you's for the bachelor party? Luncheon? I didn't know we sent that many cards to each other. I thought loving you as a friend was enough. Sillyme.
I am a non confrontation, easy going guy. I repel awayfrom arguments and disagreements, in fact it was EXTREMELY hard for me to write this, but I just had to mention these things because they have been bothering me so much.
Look as friends you have to respect the ebb and flow of life. Felix, John, Jim, Doug, Dennis my brother in law all have not bitch slapped me which I feel this is.
Being good friends as we are is about reciprocating for one another.
I have no outstanding love for corvettes, but I do you, and happily went to 2 shows with you, to spend time with you, my friend. 2 more shows we haven't one because you left your family to go gig again, and one for the blessing of your new child. Have you ever gone to a Harley rally?
I have known you a long time Bob and we have walked through fire together several times.
Remember the times I worked long and hard for Phantasm as far as long Island, philly, as close as Newark pulling all nighters watching the gear all night while you were the rockstar?
We used to do anything to help one another because we wanted to and it was important. Lets not forget how we arrived at this point. There are lots of good times ahead in our lives.
I hope there are I have fought hard to live this far with one regret I didn't serve my country in the Army.
I am not asking you to come over here and cook me breakfast every Sunday,
You don't get up for breakfast you are out at gigs all night. (Just a little bitter at this point.)
but friends make time for each other,
I am here all week not that far away, seeingJersey people 3 out of 4 weekends so far. I never drove you around hung over keyless, puked on my car,hit a deer, moved you out of an ex's while she cried,offered brutally honest advice like hey maybe your last band was right second child stay home focus on the family we are growing up and getting older, more responsibility.and do things for each other, and show appreciation to one another...
Man I have told you I love you and thank you. Other friends that are married and moved understand the phase.
I said what I had to say and I look forward to your reply...
What is this a sales email you look forward to my reply no tuck in at the end my friend Len?
P. S., I hope that you and Heather are enjoying yournew home...
Do you really or is this a callback to when you never called me last about helping to move on that Friday when I watched Heather Pass out on the floor from working to hard that day.... you did not know about that because you didn't call me back when you said you would. Look I still love you but calling me out like this hurts me and my family, if you feel the need to push away I am sorry. I never meant to pull you away from your family, you do every time you gig.
Your friend for life....Bob
P.S. Guys shouldn't do tit for tat living with a wife is challenging enoug for any man, because we screw that up daily, by not being 100%.
8:37 AM
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