November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Monday, December 11, 2006
12/12/06
************ more added to bottom if you read the post on the 11th***********
David Bowie
Changes
I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste
was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware
of what they're going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace
I'm going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get
a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time
I don’t know but it seems that I have always been a bit of an older soul since I was younger I had older friends. To this day I have a close friend with a 21 year old daughter. But I am aware of changes that I have made some conscious and some just by time moving me along in years to situations that have added years to me. I think a lot had to do with the situation years that aged me and made me get older quicker. None of this is a claim of Bob-is-better-than-anyone. I am just an old soul that’s been run through the ringer several times. Along with my family and friends. There’s been times I was coming and going at the same time.
From about age 14 and up I grew up fast. I was pretty independent, and a lost soul at the same time. I think I have always sought a support system around me. Although made the system up and reconfigured it every few years. I think to have that stabilized with marriage now. I don’t take to losing important people to me well. I could careless about losing others. I take other grudges to the grave, not very healthy or Christian of me.
But back to changing, most people like music from their teenage years. I am no different except that over the years my taste in music has gotten older and older. I traced my music, mainly rock, back through their influences and got all the way back into deep blues and some jazz. I would find a song and catch a line someone used some 20 / 30 years later. Makes you see the whole picture a lot clearer.
I guess all I am saying is acknowledging my sense that I am a whole lot different person than I once was. For one I am no longer 17 and a know it all. There are things I would go back and change. 1 big regret is not enrolling in the military after college, I know I have covered this already, so I won’t break it all down again. We all have a path to go down. Mine turned out to be this I guess. It aint over yet but the years do seem to speed up over time. God I wish I knew at 17 what I know now. A lot of wasted time would be saved and put to use. I would have cut a lot of bullshit I put up with to rest. But the end result now might not be the same, so to be here and happy that’s what I had to do. Now I just want to live a more positive life. I didn’t think I could have claimed to have read the bible at 17 or be interested in church at all it’s not so much being a holy roller versus just wanting to be a better person on my own terms with some guidance. You can take and take in life.
But what are you giving to other’s lives? Are you making a difference? Have you helped anyone on any level or are you just on the take? Life is not all about you. Make the world a little better before you leave it.
“The program for this evening is nothing new. You have seen this entertainment thru and thru. You’ve seen your birth, your life & death you might recall all of the rest – (did you have a good world when you died?) – enough to base a movie on?”
Jim Morrison
4:47 PM
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