November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Brain Tumor History And Other Rants
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
1/31/07 Last night was the night that never ended. We went to the doctor’s office in the afternoon. I got my one chemo injection there. I wasn’t feeling to bad a little tired but what no biggie. We got home ate dinner. Then I took my anti-nausea pill. Then chemo watched a little TV with Heather during all of this. She was studying. I passed out about 11:30. Heather watched a little more TV. I got up because nature called at almost 2 am. I woke up again at 2:30 feeling nauseous and sweaty well not a good sign. I popped another pill well to late the game was on. To save your physical well being I will spare the throw by throw, but this went on until 6:30 am I lost count around the 7th or 8th trip. It had to be 10 plus times of multiple gut wrenching throws. Never before in the history of my treatment, and we know I got history, have I experienced this much suffering non-stop. Finally around 6:30 am it must have subs-sided and I passed out until 8 am. I couldn’t even lift my head. It felt like I was crushed into the mattress. Everything hurt. I popped another pill ate a couple crackers sipped a little water, took my seizure med’s and got up for a couple minutes barely able to move. You know that punched in the stomach feeling? I still have it now. I waited until 9am and made a few phone calls to my doctors. I got new anti nausea that melt on your tongue so you don’t have to wait for it to break down and tonight I am just going to try one chemo pill. I can’t go through another night like that. I tell you those are quitting night’s right there. Needless to say Heather got no sleep either and still had to function today. She is my support system, and helps keep on top of me. So today I rested up for my rematch tonight. Chemo is one of the shittiest things that can happen to ya.
5:20 PM
Monday, January 29, 2007
1/29/07 So tomorrow I am starting the 2nd and 3rd drugs of my new chemo round. I started the first one last Tuesday. I felt sick for a couple days. I don’t know how I will feel after tomorrow. The pills I take for 2 weeks and I have to maintain a specific diet for 2 weeks after that. I am not thrilled about having to watch what I eat for a month so I don’t get an allergic reaction. Chemo sucks but every family has a junkie that’s sick in my family it’s me. The treatment can’t be easy to survive. It’s like having to walk up hill to school both ways. Heather is really helping me and will make sure I get through this ok. Hey dig on waiting to feel better. They make medicine to make you feel better, but it mess’s with your digestion system. So it is a balance system to try to juggle. You never get it right but you try. To balance one drug you need to take 2 different drugs to counteract it’s side effects. The first drug has side effects so you take the 2nd one before you take that one. Then the first drug to help the second one has side effects so you take the third. Welcome to my nightmare.
7:43 PM
Friday, January 12, 2007
1/12/07
Thinking
1/12/07
What do I got? Well several doctor appointments I had to reschedule. The team I was trying to establish of doctors in Pa to work with my New York ones at this point I think I have learned I think I just need to work with the New York ones. Trying to keep communication flowing between them is virtually impossible. I had another MRI on the 2nd . So I have basically given up on anyone other than my specialists in New York. To much work coordinating it all.
Man I miss some things so bad. And some people I don’t miss at all. My motorcycle I miss. Ex-friends that think I changed I am over you. I mean I moved to a new house in a neighboring state with my wife. I changed zip codes and have a wife that is my best friend and makes me happy. If that is a bad change then what the hell do you call good? I mean hell I am still alive after all these years, and crazy. I got a hole in my head to prove it. I wish no-one had to wake up scared everyday for their health to remain stable. I especially pray for sick children not to suffer. The scariest part is seeing children that don’t know any other way than their fate. Man you think because your McDonalds order got screwed up you got problems? I don’t think so.
I would say that I wish none it ever happened to me but that is weak. It has made me a better person. I am stronger mentally, spiritually and can relate to the darkness that befalls people. And in the bigger picture it is the path that led me here, and I have made some great friends along the way including my wife. I still got some great close friends some others that I need to have closer. But I know the ones in spirit that I don’t get to talk to. I Re-connected with some friends from my past that I am happy about really great people. Life is good but is always cloudy remember that. Life will always be a curving road where you can never see to far in front of you so take it easy.
5:41 PM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Johnny Cash Last song ever written
Like The 309
it should be a while before i see dr. death
so it would sure be nice if i could get my breath
well i'm not the crying nor the whining kind
'till i hear the whistle of the 309
of the 309, of the 309
put me in my box on the 309
take me to the depot, put me to bed
blow an electric fan on my gnarly old head
everybody take a look, see i'm doing fine
then load my box on the 309
on the 309, on the 309
put me in my box on the 309
hey sweet baby, kiss me hard
draw my bath water, sweep my yard
give a drink of my wine to my jersey cow
i wouldn't give a hootin' hell for my journey now
on the 309, on the 309
i hear the sound of a railroad train
the whistle blows and i'm gone again
it will take me higher than a georgia pinestand back children, it's a 309
it's a 309, it's a 309
put me in my box on the 309
a chicken in the pot and turkey in the corn
ain't felt this good since jubilee morn
talk about luck, well i got mine
as me comin' down like a 309
write me a letter, sing me a song
tell me all about it, what i did wrong
meanwhile i will be doing fine
then load my box on the 309
on the 309, on the 309
goin' to get out of here on the 309
1:11 PM
Monday, January 01, 2007
1/1/07
Bob Dylan
The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest
Well, Frankie Lee and Judas Priest,
They were the best of friends.
So when Frankie Lee needed money one day,
Judas quickly pulled out a roll of tens
And placed them on a footstool
Just above the plotted plain,Sayin',
"Take your pick, Frankie Boy,
My loss will be your gain.
"Well, Frankie Lee, he sat right down
And put his fingers to his chin,
But with the cold eyes of Judas on him,
His head began to spin.
"Would ya please not stare at me like that," he said,
"It's just my foolish pride,
But sometimes a man must be alone
And this is no place to hide.
"Well, Judas, he just winked and said,
"All right, I'll leave you here,
But you'd better hurry up and choose
Which of those bills you want,
Before they all disappear."
"I'm gonna start my pickin' right now,
Just tell me where you'll be.
"Judas pointed down the road
And said, "Eternity!"
"Eternity?" said Frankie Lee,
With a voice as cold as ice.
"That's right," said Judas Priest,
"Eternity,Though you might call it 'Paradise.'"
"I don't call it anything,
"Said Frankie Lee with a smile.
"All right," said Judas Priest,
"I'll see you after a while.
"Well, Frankie Lee, he sat back down,
Feelin' low and mean,
When just then a passing stranger
Burst upon the scene,
Saying, "Are you Frankie Lee, the gambler,
Whose father is deceased?
Well, if you are,
There's a fellow callin' you down the road
And they say his name is Priest."
"Oh, yes, he is my friend,
"Said Frankie Lee in fright,
"I do recall him very well,
In fact, he just left my sight."
"Yes, that's the one," said the stranger,
As quiet as a mouse,
"Well, my message is, he's down the road,
Stranded in a house.
"Well, Frankie Lee, he panicked,
He dropped ev'rything and ran
Until he came up to the spot
Where Judas Priest did stand.
"What kind of house is this," he said,
"Where I have come to roam?"
"It's not a house," said Judas Priest,
"It's not a house . . . it's a home.
"Well, Frankie Lee, he trembled,
He soon lost all control
Over ev'rything which he had made
While the mission bells did toll.
He just stood there staring
At that big house as bright as any sun,
With four and twenty windows
And a woman's face in ev'ry one.
Well, up the stairs ran Frankie Lee
With a soulful, bounding leap,
And, foaming at the mouth,
He began to make his midnight creep.
For sixteen nights and days he raved,
But on the seventeenth he burstInto the arms of Judas Priest,
Which is where he died of thirst.
No one tried to say a thing
When they took him out in jest,
Except, of course, the little neighbor boy
Who carried him to rest.
And he just walked along, alone,
With his guilt so well concealed,
And muttered underneath his breath,
"Nothing is revealed.
"Well, the moral of the story,
The moral of this song,
Is simply that one should never be
Where one does not belong.
So when you see your neighbor carryin' somethin',
Help him with his load,
And don't go mistaking Paradise
For that home across the road.
Johnny Cash
Help Me
Lord, Help me walk
Another mile, just one more mile;
I'm tired of walkin' all alone.
Lord, Help me smile
Another smile, just one more smile;
You know I just can't make it on my own.
I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could get by - by myself.
Now I know I just can't take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I'm beggin' You, please, Help Me.
Come down from Your golden
And throne to me, to lowly me;
I need to feel the touch of Your tender hand.
Remove the chains of darkness
Let me see, Lord let me see;
Just where I fit into your master plan.
I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could get by - by myself.
Now I know I just can't take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I'm beggin' You, please, Help Me.
Johnny Cash
God's Gonna Cut You Down
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler,
The gambler,
The back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news
My head's been wet with the midnight dew
I've been down on bended knee talkin' to the man from Galilee
He spoke to me in the voice so sweet
I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet
He called my name and my heart stood still
When he said, "John go do My will!"
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler,
The gambler,
The back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's done in the dark will be brought to the light
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler,
The gambler,
The back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
8:57 PM
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