2/23/07

One good thing about music is that when it hits you you feel no pain

O.A.R.

OK I meant to catch up earlier so now you are just getting the cliff notes version.

Snow started 2/13 (Tuesday)

Our street wasn’t plowed until 2/16 (Friday)

Yes we were ice locked onto our block for that whole time. Heather couldn’t get to school and I had to break up our 80 foot driveway with a spade shovel sections at a time.

It sucked.

This past Monday I went to the doctors office, a rescheduled appointment from last Thursday when we couldn’t get out (see above).

Tuesday I went back to the hospital for a chemo injection. Drama started here. Now I have spent way too many hours at these places. So it isn’t so stressful. But, I was talking with a man next to me and my left arm had a little seizure probably like 10 seconds or so. I was the only one that knew at the time but it freaked me out. I haven’t had anything in 2 years.

Now the first question is why?

Well the answer is not simple, or it is if you look at the real answer no one knows.

1. I am doing chemo which compromises your bodies ability to keep adequate levels of my anti-seizure meds in my system.
2. Could have been some stress
3. They just took my blood pressure on that arm it could have triggered it
4. I have been slowly lowering one of my medications and it could have been that.
5. My MRI’s have been clear it shouldn’t be anything under the hood.
6. No one knows

Needless to say I have been just relaxing at home since I got home from that appointment.

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.

Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929

Ernest Hemingway

Ernest Hemingway

2/7/07

Man so many years I fumbled the ball. I feel like I dabbled in a lot of things but was never really good at any of it.

You ever just wonder what was my calling supposed to be? I mean I played instruments, but never fluid.

I am still a bad driver but better than I once was.

I am not interested in sports in conventional ones I quit early, I think after I caught a pop up fly in little league practice with my nose.

Then I was into BMX racing, and skateboarding. The racing I dabbled in, the skateboard I couldn’t do a trick on Halloween.

I don’t know you name it from High School through college I did a tour of the worlds worst jobs. I pumped gas, worked in the mall, worked in warehouses I worked in factories I worked in retail sales on commission. None of my jobs were glamorous.
Out of college I never truly got into the record industry that has been bleeding since I left college.

If it wasn’t for I tunes turning retail sales around the record industry would be even worse now. They used to call the web a phase. Now people have sounded the death knell for compact discs. So nothing truly lost there I would have just been downsized along the way.

Post college I had a decent run in radio syndication, a year in an indie label back to radio syndication where I still was making crumbs until I got into the sales end. There I got to travel every other week, see cities I would have not seen otherwise. I was about middle of the pack, not top sales dog by any means. But I held my own.

Then comes the saga of how I was laid off 3 times by the same company for all intensive purposes, it was sold twice so it wasn’t owned by the same people. Twice it was while I was out on disability. So those don’t technically count but they happened. So I was supposed to be hired over to the other department but the management passed on me they wanted somebody they could control and was new.

Ironically enough they called me for a position a couple months later. I worked with them for a year then had to go back out on disability for 19 months.

So I was out of work again. And while I was on disability they called me to lay me off Truth be told they wanted me to come into the city so they could lay me off. I said no so they did it over the phone. I cussed them out, professionally of course.

It was all part of a big down size company sell off so there were a bunch of people that were cut. Then they started calling us back one by one when they needed new staff.

So I went back again lasted 6 months this time, then went out sick on disability again. After 12 months I was taken off the books.

So I have been off for 25 months now. And now I am working on my health.

Life takes turns like a river our control over it? It depends on the situation and timing.  People come and go and some come back again.  

Don’t let it get you to down

My body is borrowed

yeah, i got it on loan

for the time in between my mom and some maggots

Hey my journey has gotten me to a great position in life.

During the last several years Heather has become my guide.

Personal Jesus

Your own, personal, Jesus

someone to hear your prayers,

someone who cares

Your own, personal, Jesus

someone to hear your prayers,

someone who's there

Feeling unknown

and you're all alone,

flesh and bone,

by the telephone,

lift up the receiver,

i'll make you a believer

Take second best,

put me to the test,

things on your chest,

you need to confess,

i will deliver,

you know i'm a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith

Reach out and touch faith

Your own, personal, Jesus

someone to hear your prayers,

someone who cares

Your own, personal, Jesus

someone to hear your prayers,

someone to care

Feeling unknown

and you're all alone,

flesh and bone,

by the telephone,

lift up the receiver,

i'll make you a believer

i will deliver,

you know i'm a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith

Reach out and touch faith

Reach out and touch faith

Reach out and touch faith