November 2002 rediagnosed with a recurring tumor I am going to bring you through the whole fun thing   Archives << current   This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

Brain Tumor History And Other Rants   Saturday, May 31, 2003   So to add insult to injury this past Wednesday I caught some kind of sinus infection cold. Now it has settled into my lungs and I am coughing it out. So that delays the whole chemo thing. You have to be healthy to get hurt! So I got another weeks stay but this week should be the week. Look out! So I have spent a lot of time in bed watching movies, bad movies. They don’t play the good ones during the day. So there is nothing exciting to report here except my blood numbers are creeping back up again. They need to be up also to do the chemo, we got to play with a full deck. So I will keep you posted as d-day approaches and try to give you updates as I feel up to it. 8:19 AM Saturday, May 24, 2003   "Whats good's a disease that won't hurt you? Why no good, I guess, no good at all." Lou Reed 10:20 PM   How does your perspective change in all this? What do we have in the fridge to eat? There is not much of a concern beyond basic biological needs. And even those get made up or are psycho-somatic. Some of this is a heightened awareness of your body because you are now being held hostage by it. The fridge thing is all about when you can eat, you eat. When you are sick you don’t wanna eat. I still can’t stand the smell of Uncle Ben’s rice after throwing it up on the first night of my second chemo cycle. Sometimes I feel like I aged 40 years in 6 months. You start to reflect like crazy. What was it like before all this, when you are having no fun you want to think of times when you did have fun. Times when I didn’t know about a tumor, cancer, an uncertain future, tons of med’s. Yeah we are trying to kick this things ass and trying to get back to a life. Yes there are always worse situations. But by human nature I think we can only get caught up usually in what we are going through ourselves. It has been great to get so much support from those around me and even bigger than that at times like last weeks benefit was to see strangers lending a hand. That teaches you a lot about what you should try to do more in life. OK maybe me, trying to lend a hand a little more I guess. The morning I went in for surgery we had a little snow. OK we had snow all winter. But I was dusting off my neighbors car after I did Mo’s. She said some time afterward she had woken up early and looked outside for some reason and there I was cleaning off her car the day I was going for surgery. OK I am not saving nations or Mother Theresa, but she found it funny that I was cleaning her car on that morning. Do I have any important medical news today, no I am just adding a little filler here, read on if you want. One things for sure with life, there is no getting time back and no do-overs. Don’t we all wish we could make a time machine out of a DeLorean. How would McFly change things? Get the motorcycle earlier? I think some of us would want to stay somewhere or at sometime in life. I guess that’s why junkies stay high. I hate being high, so that doesn’t work for me at all. Sometimes you think yeah if I check out what have I done? Enough to base a movie on? I got some cool people around me with some pretty silly memories. But I aint never gonna get my face on any money that’s for sure. Remember when you were young and really didn’t know how life worked? You thought life was gonna be killer. It was gonna be like summer vacation. Remember summer vacation where mom or dad might have given you a couple bucks for the week. You had no idea what it was going to be to work for that couple bucks a week. We spend the first 20 some-odd years rushing to be older and the rest of the time wishing to be back. OK there are weirdo’s out there enjoying their 30’s and 40’s but you guys are just weird. My newest music exploration, Johnny Cash. I am aging rapidly folks. Even some Willie Nelson. I mean somebody put me in a home or something! I just might sonically hurt myself. Not having the power to change or fix your situation is rotten. I think helplessness is up there with loneliness. The uncertain all that stuff is rotten. Simple pleasures when they are robed from you. When you lose parts of your freedom, you miss them. That whole body has me hostage stuff if frustrating. I can’t drive myself anywhere that is very old. I hate putting people out to help me. When this stuff happens to you, you are at the direction of the doctors and there is not much you can do but follow their best advice and hope your body will cooperate with the treatments. If it doesn’t then you do something else they advise. This one of the sickest jokes your body can pull on you this cancer stuff. It certainly is the worst time I’ve had for myself physically. All the sickness of a hangover with no party, feeling high, or ugly girl to chew your arm away from. But you try to put things in perspective. There are plenty of people out there that have gone to wars at very young ages in this country. Who have had to suffer and survive and fight through a ton of crazier things than I have. These are common people you don’t always see. But sometimes you can catch a sign, someone with a sticker, button, patch, bumper sticker that tells you, yes they went there so you can be here. That is a person you should be thankful for. You don’t need to agree with whatever it was, maybe they didn’t either, but they went when they were called for, and we need to acknowledge that. I guess this is my rainy Memorial Day rap. Never forget these people that sacrificed for us. It is a big deal, ask France, some how or another we always rescue them from being taken over. French bastards. OK no politics here. Is it happiness I search for? I don’t think I would be that crazy. I am a person who is never satisfied, it gives me my drive. This year I seem to care a lot less about drive though. It is just this crap that robbed me of my freedom I guess that has really hurt a lot. I don’t know. You have to say oh well I have had some good times and if it is down hill or off a cliff then you have to accept that. That sucks. 10:16 PM Friday, May 23, 2003   So what do you say we throw a little good news in the mix? So I went to NYC today to NYU I had to get my blood checked get an MRI, and see my Neuro-Oncologist. So we got into the city pretty quick which is always a bonus. Got my blood test, everything was high enough not to get anything put in me (I just have to inject myself once tonight, but I don't even mind that anymore). Went and did my MRI. Then I had a slice of NYC pizza, have to have that. Then back to the doctor. We went right in, gotta love that, no back up in the reception area. So I brought my current MRI and the doctor left with another doctor to compare it to my last MRI. So to make a long story shorter, the MRI looked good to him. What does a good MRI look like? I don’t know they all look like ink blot tests to me. I will take his word for it. What he did share with me was another report came back about my tumor. According to this report my tumor does not warrant doing a stem-cell rescue treatment (for more details on this it’s somewhere in the archive, but it is not pretty in a nut-shell 3 weeks in the hospital where the kick the s**t out of you, then 3 weeks recovery at home). So after the 4th chemo round which he stressed is a very high chemo treatment and the body couldn’t really handle more than 4 months of this torture. I am probably going to go on a very light oral dosage of chemo to try to keep the tumor from progressing. This is good news actually, no big crazy plans for more physical torture, just maintenance medication. Dig? So this is cool because before this crazy treatment after chemo was an option that was being discussed. I really didn’t want to hear about it. My current schedule might be pushed back a week because my blood levels aren’t back yet. If my blood levels haven’t come back and stabilized then they can’t kick me with the chemo yet. They want me to be healthy before they hurt me!! Hey, I never said they weren’t nice people. So that is where I am at. When will these 4 cycles end? Hopefully I will be free of this in early August is my guess. 4:39 PM Tuesday, May 20, 2003   So Saturday night was my benefit. I have DJ’ed 100’s of parties. Done several benefits. But being on the other side of the table was weird to say the least. Seeing so many friends in one room at one time was great. Old and new, people I haven’t seen in let’s not say how many years, too long. So I re-established contact with several people. Made some new friends, got support from people I never knew before. It was quite humbling. I picked all the winners for the raffles. Some people are luckier than others I guess. A couple people won multiple things. But some people know how to win these raffles. They buy up a bunch of tickets and flood the ticket bags and increase their chances I guess. But Frank, New York City Shoes? Something changed with you over the years? OK, Frank is married we will give him the benefit of the doubt. Overall it was really nice I swear the 4 hour party felt like 2 hours. I just wish I could have talked with more people and spent more time with everyone. I was glad I got blood that morning I think that gave me energy for the party. By the end I was just floating though. Totally exhausted, when was the last time I was up until past 1 am? A long time, I was shot. I am happy to have this support to help me pay all the medical stuff I have over my head. I am very thankful to everyone who worked so hard on the event to make it happen. Starting with (shameless plug, in no order of importance) John and Ruth Ann, my parents, Maureen, Len Bonnie Nathan & Jay, my sister and husband. To all the contributers, and donators Thanks a million. To all my friends from MJI and Premiere, thanks for the killer music gifts for baskets, I mean come on an autographed Iron Maiden book, you had to hear the maniac that won it scream and make devil fingers. Thanks to everyone who came to the event or bought tickets or donated. You guys rock! OK enough mushy stuff. So Sunday was quiet, food shopping, gardening, normal life stuff, no drama, sorry. Monday I had to go back to Morristown for a blood test. I am thinking no problem I should be so out of the woods. Yeah, OK, so my white cells are up, they are fine. Red blood cells up, no problem there. Aah Platlets, DOWN. Why won’t they just multiply in my body and leave me alone. So they sent me in for another platlet transfusion. Whoever donated these was great, no reaction (normally I get some hives any where from a couple to a ton all over). But they pre-medicate you with a lot of benedryl, and that has the tendency to wipe you out and make you really tired. So my day was pretty shot. That is it for that day. Pretty boring, and tired from a transfusion. Tuesday I was off no doctor appointment, I cherish these days now, especially when I am feeling good, which is this week until next Thursday. So my schedule is like this: Wednesday I have to go to Morristown to get my blood checked. Thursday off. Friday I have to go to NYU to get an MRI, this is going to be my mid-point MRI to see how the first 2 chemo cycles have gone. MRI at 10am Doctor appointment in NYC at 12pm. Morristown also wants me to come in Friday to check my blood before the long weekend. I am going to attempt to get my blood checked in NYC to avoid going to Morristown. Then Morristown wants me to come in next Tuesday for another blood check. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH. I want to stay home in my cave and hide!!!!! Next Thursday and Friday start my 3rd round of chemo. Those days feel like a dark cloud just creeping towards me. I hate it. 8 days of chemo-sickness. OK so it will provide me with more material than gardening for this forum, I just would rather make it up and not go through it. I am trying to look at it like ok when I do the 3rd round I will be turning this thing towards the end. Like I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. You know all that hokey positive stuff. Trying to rationalize modern medicine torture. So, that’s all I got for today. So if you are new to this blog thing since I am sending the link around don’t forget to check out the old stuff it is filled with information about my condition and funny doctor and hospital anecdotes. 8:27 PM Saturday, May 17, 2003   So Friday I went in. Nothing, no transplants, I held my platelets from Wednesday. My whites were still low so I had to hide out still. I am free for the weekend. I go back Monday, whites are still low, but I need platelets. Off to transfusion I go. I get another bag of the yellow stuff, they tell me that Wednesday I will probably need a red blood transfusion if my counts are low. I have Tuesday off. I go back Wednesday. My whites are finally coming up, that is good. My reds have come up a little so they decide not to transfuse those and my platlets are holding. So Friday I am back there again (any one see a pattern here?) Now they say my red blood cells have lowered again a little. So they want me to come in on Saturday morning to get 2 pints of blood. This takes like 4 hours to go in. So this morning I went in and got 2 pints. Not the same as 2 pints at the bar let me tell ya….. Oh and don’t let me leave out this weeks insurance drama. Always keep in mind that with insurance companies it is all about what they don’t pay. I had from my job long term disability insurance that I paid extra every check to have. So now I need it. I left work on January 16 and I became eligible for it on April 11th. They pay out once a month. So my first check was due to me May 11th. Oh what’s that you say it is May 17th and no check yet. Well unfortunately they didn’t get all their paper work over there to make a ruling on my claim. So a week ago I get a certified letter saying that they haven’t gotten the doctors explanation yet, and they were going to make a ruling on my claim on Friday May 17th. So the responsibility is on me to shake down my doctor, to get a form to the insurance. I called on Monday, left a message, and then I called the insurance company to tell them. Keep in mind they notate everything to cover their own butts, that they tried so hard to get you your settlement. I called the doctors office on Tuesday, left a message with someone else. Then Wednesday I called the insurance company again figuring well this has to be moving along right? No, the insurance company and the doctors office are playing phone tag. OK, Thursday comes along I call the doctors office the woman I need is not in today. I call the doctors assistant to find out if they sent the paperwork and she was in the process of faxing it over. So I wait 2 hours call the insurance company to finally find out that they have gotten what they needed and have approved my disability (that I had paid in for). So am I totally bitching here? Maybe, but insurance users beware! Oh, and now that I am approved do you think my check comes right away? No. Now the insurance company has some more paperwork for me to fill out. No telling when that check is coming, but it’s coming alright, I paid extra for it. So some may know tonight is the big gala benefit for Bob. History here, the guy I dj for decided to try to help me out with my medical bills with a benefit. So he roped my parents sister and one of my best friends in to help out. The whole thing to me is weird. In my family you got to get married or die to have a party, and depending on who you were talking to when you died is who shows up. So we aren’t big party people. That being said I have djed almost everything, no funerals yet, but I have done plenty of weddings so they count. But still the weirdest thing is being on the other side of that table. I have done benefits for organizations and benefits for people in need. But still to be on the other side of the table, very humbling. I know people have worked very hard on this and I appreciate it, they have donated time and money and that is weird for me to know how to deal with because I like to take care of things myself but I haven’t been able to do that for 6 months now so you would think I was used to this. Well I guess I have to give a post wrap up to this soon. 6:18 PM Thursday, May 08, 2003   So this week has been kind of uneventful, or I am getting used to the poking and prodding. Monday, I went to the Cancer center in Morristown to get my blood checked. My whites were half of what they were on Friday so I am super-susceptible to germs. My platelets were also low. So I got set up for another platlet transfusion. When I went in by the nurses they asked me if I had a porta-cath, I think that is the spelling? These are little ports you can have surgically put in your body, so when you need a transfusion they just pop into this under your skin to get into your blood. A nurse in New York told me this could be another source for infection, so right there I am out. So now that that is explained. I said to the nurse no way I love getting stuck. They all looked up at me like, what? I said just kidding. Ok now that I wrote it out and explained it it isn’t funny. So I got my platlets, a lot of times you can break out in hives from this. Which I did I got about 10 little itchy hives, and was on my way. Tuesday I hid out at home from the world and germs. Wednesday was back at the doctors for a repeat of Monday. This time my hives were worse. I got one on each eye lid, some on the arms legs. It isn’t the worst thing they just itch like hell until they go away. I did feel a little light headed and dopey for the rest of the day. No comments about that. That night about 9 o’clock they came back the hives. My whole back arms hips itching like crazy. So I started loading up on benadryl to try to put them off. I took about 75 mg I think it is. Eventually they went away around 11 I don’t know if it was the medicine that helped or just time. But try going to sleep while you itch. Not good so I stayed up until I was comfortable and super tired. Today is Thursday and it is another day of hiding in the house from germs. I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow and I am hoping to see my platlets back, and my white count higher. We will see. I have gotten dates for new New York appointments also. Friday the 23rd I go in for a MRI to check the mid-point (I am doing 4 cycles I have completed 2) chemo results on the tumor. I also am set up for my next chemo on the 29, and 30 of May I am not looking forward to that cloud of doom. Man I hate being chemo sick and having the dates on the calendar stinks. But you got to “live for the day” all that crap. Hey the person that wrote that didn’t have chemo days on the calendar 8:28 AM Saturday, May 03, 2003   5/3/03 Ok so it took me 2 weeks to get back to this update. My excuse, when you feel nauseous you don’t want to write about it. So Mo went out with some friends on Friday the 18th, which left our hero, your truly up to his own devices. And what does this crazy ex-biker do? Take a shower and pop popcorn in the microwave and put in a dvd of Swingers. So there I am me, the 2 dogs and the warm glow of the TV. All of sudden in the scene where they are in the trailer with the two girls, my left eye starts twitching. I can’t believe it I am having another seizure. I turned the TV off, grabbed the phone and laid face down on the bed. Fortunately this one was only a facial one and was relatively quick. It still left me feeling nerved out. Needless to say I wasn’t in the mood to watch this movie anymore. I went to sleep a little while later. So you think that would be it right? Well the next day Mo and I were on our way to WalMart I think, right there in the car, facial seizure number 2. OK no they don’t get more fun. But who knows, maybe they will. So here we go with round 2 start up. April 21, and 22 I went to NYU for Chemo injections. I also at the same time take oral chemo for 5 days, morning and night (Monday – Friday). So I got back Monday night, I knew I would be able to get dinner in. I had Uncle Bens rice. I didn’t want to experiment with anything too much, since I might see it again. So about 8:30 I started to feel a little queasy. I knew this was going to happen. About 9:20 I knew it was time to go. I headed upstairs, I was staying by my parents, I don’t have an upstairs. Well I am glad I knew it was time to go. Well Uncle Ben came back to visit. I continued to pump my own stomach every 20 minutes for 2 hours. By the 5th or 6th time, I had nothing left. This was around 11:30 and I finally fell asleep. First day over! Second day back to the city for the second day of injections, how am I feeling? Cruddy. Well this is what I am supposed to feel for a week. My doctor thinks that if my tumor reacts like my body we are in good luck. My doctor let me know also that he is leaving NYU in September for the University of Southern California. Now most people would be upset about this. But here’s my perspective. My chemo will be done before that. And Bob don’t want no more of this torture. So I am done, out, finished. So, he can go and I will go back to work and life. That’s what I am thinking at least. So we left the city. I went home and just sulked, eating very little. I stayed in bed from Wednesday to Friday basically. I found that this time around I was a lot more sensitive to smells. From food cooking to perfumes, it all smelled bad. I mean me laying around in bed taking toxic chemicals, you know I smelled good. But just because I laid around all week that didn’t mean it was an uneventful week. You know I would never be that boring. Thursday night Mo got home and I was pretty run down feeling sick, I tried to eat chicken nuggets we had from the super market, I wanted to eat but everything tasted bad. I was walking from the bedroom and I wanted to walk back to it, just figuring I would just go back to laying down. But then I started walking in a circle. I didn’t know why. Just circling in a small pattern like around a 1 foot diameter. Mo thought I was just being wacky. Then it h it me SEIZURE. I said Mo, help me. I just wanted to get down to the floor. Now I was sitting and my arm was flailing around in a circle. Man that was freaky. None of this was under my control. Then I wanted to lay on my stomach. I think I told mo this or motioned. I had a pretty intense one. I was trying to tell myself to STOP. It is a mind trick I try to use. I don’t know if it helps or not. I was foaming from the mouth, face in the carpet. My eyes were blinking, or I was flicking in and out of wakeness, I still don’t know. I was trying to say stop in my head which was skipping like a broken record, but that wasn’t working, so then I just started praying I would black out. It did let up. I think the whole thing lasted probably no longer than 2 minutes. It seems a lot longer while it is happening. When it was done I was very stiff. Mo’s foot was under me and I wanted her to move it but I was like dead weight and she couldn’t move me. I lifted a little and she pulled her leg out. I sat up, trying to gain control of my senses and to calm down, my left arm was completely numb. I lifted it and it just dropped. I couldn’t control it or feel it. But then I felt the tingling of feeling come back in. I think this arm got wedged under me during the seizure and probably lost blood flow. So feeling came back, but the arm was weak and fatigued. I felt like peeing so, I went to get up and walk to the bathroom. I was hobbling along though. My left leg was very fatigued also. So I took more med’s and got on the phone to my seizure doctor, or whoever was on call. So you call the number and get the phone service, you tell them you need the doctor, they page him or her, and they call you back. So I told him the whole run of events, and he said well I want you to go to the emergency room and get a CBC (blood test) and a cat scan. So the timeline here: seizure at about 7:00. At the ER probably 8:15. I got out at like 2 am. Another fun evening with Bob. Mo drove me to Morristown’s ER, she stuck around till like 9pm, hoping for some ER action. None for her. My father met us there and stuck with me till I got released. So this prompted of course an appointment with my seizure doctor for Monday. The weekend was pretty uneventful after that. I just tried to get back into feeling better. By Tuesday I was pretty much done with nausea and able to start eating anything. At the doctors at NYU on Monday we basically discussed my seizures, my level of meds and raised them 100 mg and now I take 300 in the am 200 in the afternoon, and 300 at bedtime. The rest of the week was quiet I just hung around the house getting caught up on phone calls to insurance companies, friends, doctors billing offices, doctors offices for scheduling etc. Just the phone calls wipe me out some days. The office in New York wanted me to get blood work before the weekend to see if I needed platlets. Well I called Morristown and couldn’t get an appointment until Monday, I called New York, not good enough. So I said why don’t I go to a local lab on Thursday and get my counts. OK this we can do. I went to a lab on Thursday at 7 am. My doctors office got the numbers that afternoon around 3:30. They called me because the fax was smeared pretty bad where it counted (basically where my counts were). The doctor was able to decipher that I needed platlets though. So they called me back said come to NYU in the morning. I said well can’t I go to Morristown to do my platlets? They said they would call over there. Well I got a call back from my doctor in Morristown about coming in first thing Friday morning for platlets. SO, I got my Friday morning appointment after all. So I go in they check my blood again, it is all about checking blood are you getting this? At these doctors offices they have your counts in like 5 minutes its pretty cool. So they do my counts my platlets are low. White cells apparently are going down also. This is what got me in the hospital last month. So the doctor asks if I am on the Neuprogen yet, I said no because no one told me to. The Neuprogen is a growth hormone which is supposed to help with white growth. So he tells me they will give me a shot while I am there, and he wants me to continue it over the weekend, and next week. Also he wants to check my blood levels next week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Now the magic here is if I get no fever I get no hospital stay. So to avoid this I have to be super-paranoid about germs, ANY sick people can’t come near me. The food I eat all has to be cooked thoroughly at home. You never know what people cook with at a restaurant. Basically when my whites are low, I am more susceptible to anything as far as germs and bacteria. If the little whites I have go after one germ, I am open to any other bug to beat me up. So we also started back on the Cipro which is an anti-biotic. Now I go over to the other side to get my platlets. You walk in and it is like a pit crew. These women are ready for you. With all the works for IV right there on the chair. Damn no fooling around in the counter or anything. So the first nurse goes for the right arm. She first tries for the inner elbow and is poking around, she says you have a lot of scar tissue, and I don’t think I have it. This is the most common site for blood tests for me, so I am sure this vein is wacked up. So she says it’s a no go and says alright I have a good one on your hand and she goes for that. I felt the needle go in, and I think we went past the vein, into the vein around the vein etc. So we didn’t get that one either. At this point my nerves are tripping and I am shaking like a leaf. So she calls another nurse over, a common practice when someone, just isn’t hitting it. She grabbed my left arm, and said ok stop shaking, I held still, pin prick and bang, she goes ok he is in and done. At the same time my inner elbow on my right arm is gushing, so the first nurse is holding that super firm. When you have no platlets you bleed heavy. But let me not skip over the best part. Neuprogen is a shot given like insulin. Last month I had 2 in home nurses come in to try to teach me to self-administer. Yeah, OK I am a boy here. So at like 3:30 on Friday I am desperately trying to schedule another nurse to come to my house for Saturday and Sunday to help me. So I get that done, actually I found out at like 9pm that someone was definitely coming out. She basically told me hey, we got to get you doing this. She helped me fill the needle, then turned it over to shaky, anyone that knows me, knows I am not a surgeon for many reasons. After about 5 minutes of holding the needle to my belly, I did it. The needle is like ½ inch long. I am not talking anything crazy here. When I pushed it in I didn’t even feel the needle. The drug you feel a little. So, now I can shoot needles into my belly. I am proud of myself. I have come a long way baby! So that is basically my update. I am paranoid of a fever and germs. I am eating like a pig to make up for the chemo week. I have been trying to eat lots of meat for my blood. I am a hermit and I don’t care baby. So that is my update for now. I will keep you posted hopefully sooner than later, but not with too much suffering although I know that’s what you guys love to read, drama!!! Some other random thoughts: I think now and again about the fact that I can not drive, I don’t know when I will be able to again. I need to sell my Mustang. I love that car, and I have to sell it. Know any buyers? I think back to my motorcycle. Man that one hurts, I don’t think I could probably ever have one of them again. I don’t know maybe I do have a little cabin fever. It really stinks not being able to do for yourself. You don’t have any freedom, you have to ask people to ride you around all the time. It stinks. I feel like an albatross a lot of times for the people around me. Mo has put up with a lot. But remember if you give her $20 to get you a bottle of extra strength Tylenol, you are not getting change!! I do miss having a life. Going to work, making money (what a concept). No doctors office 3 times a week. Being able to take myself to the store early on a Sunday, man it stinks. Yeah I guess I am self loathing or something. I am going to throw this one out to you all, always be glad for your health. I know people say it. You know I mean it. When this stuff happens, it sucks. Doctors tell you that you have no choice other than doing what they tell you will probably help you. There are no definite answers. Most people have had people in their family in this position. Not any fun for family or the sick person. I guess there is always this dynamic of being the sick person and being a burden on people that sucks also. I am lucky for a lot of things. I have Mo, my family and friends and a ton of co-workers pulling for me. That support has meant a lot through out this. When I can pick up the phone and get someone to talk for a little bit, and let me know what is going on in the real world, it is cool. Hey don’t get me wrong staying home is not torture. I like to work though, I miss the gig, the day in and out. I would work everyday of my life if I could have my health. We don’t pick what we get in this life though. 10:04 PM